The Harmony of The Whole
Nobody likes to feel they’re not good at something. Although we know that we can’t excel in all areas, having the proof to the contrary shoved in our face is just as annoying as a pebble in your shoe. It spoils your good mood and ruffles your nice opinions about yourself.
For a perfectionist though, things are a bit different. That is no pebble, that feels more like rubbing sandpaper on a freshly shaved cheek. Because, with the precision of a diamond cutting through the glass, everything leads straight to the same conclusion: YOU are not good enough.
- Your toddler runs out of the door when you pick him up from daycare – you’re a bad, unfit mother.
- Your house doesn’t look like the cover of the magazine – you’re not good enough at housekeeping.
- The grapes you bought are not sweet enough – you’re not a savvy shopper.
Every single time, the same conclusion: something about YOU is not correct, appropriate, up to standards, etc.
I can’t remember how old I was when I first listened to a concert using headphones. But I remember I felt a bit overwhelmed – all of a sudden, the sounds were not around me, but in me.
In years to come, I developed a weird habit when listening to music through the head/earphones. Instead of focusing on the obvious, the lead singer or the solo instrument, I would focus on following the other musical lines and beats that were part of the piece. Like the second voice in a chorus or the backup singers. Or the triangle that rings occasionally and sometimes gets lost.
I would try and discover as many instruments, voices and sounds as possible, one by one – and then return to the perception of the whole.
I imagine that would be the musical equivalent of a wine tasting experience?
Although there may be a lot of explanations why something didn’t go well, the hidden belief that you’re not good enough points everything in just one direction: YOU.
And most of the times, it’s not the true reason.
Toddlers run away from good mothers too because they’re excited or curious.
Houses get messy because that’s what happens, whether they’re inhabited or not.
Fruits come in batches – some sweet, some sour, you can’t possibly know ahead what they taste like, no matter how savvy you are.
It’s easy to fall prey to the voice that shouts ‘you’re not good enough!’ After all, it’s the loudest, while common sense barely dares to whisper.
Still, listening not just to the concertmaster, but also to the second violins (and glockenspiel, and flute, etc.) can offer you a more balanced and complex experience.
And save yourself from unnecessary suffering in the process.
How did this resonate with you?
What hidden beliefs make your life harder ?
If you’d like to discover and banish them into the Great Nothingness… well, drop me a message.
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