Cheerleaders Aren’t Just For The Champions

Cheerleaders Aren’t Just For The Champions

Cheerleaders Aren’t Just For The Champions

It was only the third class out of the six we had that day, but I could not stay sat any longer. Somewhere in the first ten minutes since our Maths class had started, my stomach decided it was about time to present its content and it would not change its mind. I asked to go out, but standing didn’t give me much more satisfaction, what with the tables and chairs that were waltzing every each way.

As I found out later, my face was also white as paper and it reflected the fact that I was not well at all. Since I wasn’t the kind of student to skip classes, my teacher believed me that I was feeling sick and told me to go home for the day.

 

It was a cold, horrible rainy day and I had to wait 15 minutes before taking a bus for half an hour ride, then walk 20 more minutes to get home. I was struggling to hold the umbrella against the wind, carry the heavy schoolbag full of books and maintain a vertical position. The throbbing headache didn’t make things any easier.

 

After so many years I can still remember that day vividly, but not just because I was so violently sick. I remember how lonely and helpless I was feeling, all of a sudden at war not only with the elements, but also with myself. My shoes were soaked, my clothes were drenched and I was doggedly pushing myself to put one foot in front of the other in a journey of misery that seemed to last forever.

 

I have been through other painful moments since then.

 

What made that day memorable though, was the fact that at some point, as I started to cry, there was a very warm and kind voice rising from within me, encouraging me. I was speaking to myself in tender words, like you would to a child – “Come on sweetie, one more step, good girl. Soon you’ll get home and lay down in your nice soft bed. Come on, baby one more step, I know it’s hard and you’re nauseous… breathe, breathe deeply… see, the dizziness it’s not so bad now…OK, let’s move along”

 

And so and so forth. I managed to reach home in one piece.

 

Why did I remember that day right now?

 

Because I’m in the kitchen, contemplating the big mess that I have just created.

 

I have chopped some onions and veggies and I went to the fridge to get one more carrot. As I opened the door and got the carrot and the carton of eggs, the big chunk of cheese that was on the door fell on my hands, making me lose their contents.

I quickly jumped to catch the eggs, hit myself in the door, picked up the carrot and the cheese and when I straightened myself up, my head knocked off the chopping board.

Whoosh! the bits and pieces were in my hair, on the dog and on the floor.

 

I got so frustrated I angrily screamed: “How can you be so stupid!”

 

The moment the words left my mouth I instantly sobered up.

 

What was going on? I don’t talk to myself like that!

 

I know I was angry because of the spoiled food and messy kitchen. I only had 2 hours of sleep last night and I was tired enough not to need the extra work, but the cheese misplaced on the door instead of the shelf was not my fault, I did my best to save the situation and at least the eggs were still intact. And hey, my head!

 

We are so quick to criticise ourselves at times! We are so quick to kick ourselves, even more so when we’re already down, as if we are our own enemy waiting for a moment of weakness on our part.

 

If on that day in high school I had been as tough with myself, telling myself to buck up, stop being a cry baby because it wasn’t much of a deal… it wouldn’t have been helpful at all.

 

Apparently the 15 year old in me wanted to remind me the value of kindness and encouragement.

Because being your own best friend starts with the way that you talk to yourself.

 

And it really wouldn’t hurt us to be more tolerant and supportive with ourselves when we make mistakes or have a hard time.

 

After all, cheerleaders aren’t there just for the champions.

 

Is Fear Of Being Judged Running Your Life?

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Conditional Self-Esteem Vs. Unconditional Self-Esteem

Conditional Self-Esteem Vs. Unconditional Self-Esteem

Conditional Self-Esteem Vs. Unconditional Self-Esteem

by David Burns, M.D.

There are two dramatically different ways a person can achieve self-esteem.

You can say, “I am a worthwhile person because…” After the “because,” you can include the basis you have decided upon for self-esteem. This could be your success and hard work in life or your altruism or the fact that you are loved. For example, you can say, “I am a worthwhile person because I have done the best I can with my God-given talents and abilities.” This kind of reasoning is based on the Calvinist work ethic, which is widespread in our culture.

 

stickieThis formulation makes self-esteem conditional, because your self-esteem has to be earned.

 

Conditional self-esteem has its benefits: If you base your self-esteem on your hard work and accomplishments, it may motivate you to work hard and do your best.

 

Conditional self-esteem also has its downside. What happens when, in spite of your best efforts, you are not particularly productive or successful? Does this mean you are now worthless and inferior? Few people can achieve extreme levels of fame and recognition, and even the most successful people experience many failures along the way.

 

No matter how you try to measure or earn your self-esteem, there will be times when you do not measure up to the criterion you have chosen. Then you will be vulnerable to anxiety and depression. Instead of thinking, “I have failed,” and trying to learn from the situation, you may think, “I am a failure.”

 

Alternatively, you can make your self-esteem unconditional. You can love and respect yourself because you are a human being or simply because you have chosen to do so. You can love yourself because you need the compassion and support, and not because you have earned it. Although unconditional self-esteem may be more difficult to comprehend, it is far more liberating.

 

I like to think about the process of gaining self-esteem as climbing up a ladder. If you feel worthless and inferior, you may start out on the ground because you have very little self-esteem. On the first rung of the ladder you develop conditional self-esteem. You decide to like yourself because of your strengths rather than hating yourself because of your weaknesses. You stick up for yourself and defend yourself against your critical inner voice. For many people who feel inadequate, this can be an extremely important first step.

 

Once you have conditional self-esteem, you can climb up to the next rung on the ladder. On this step you develop unconditional self-esteem. You realize that self-esteem is a gift that you and all human beings receive at birth. Your worthwhile-ness is already there and you don’t have to earn it. It suddenly dawns on you that you will always be worthwhile simply because you are a human being. It ultimately makes no difference if you are fat or thin, young or old, loved or rejected, successful or unsuccessful.

 

Unconditional self-esteem is given freely. It is much like hugging a child who is upset and needs comforting. The child doesn’t have to earn your love. In Step 10, you will see that the concept of unconditional self-esteem is quite consistent with both the Jewish and Christian religions.

 

After you achieve unconditional self-esteem, you can climb another step up the ladder if you want. On the next step, you can adopt the even more radical position that there is no such thing as self-esteem, just as there is no such thing as a worthwhile person or a worthless person. Since there’s no such thing as a worthwhile person, there’s no point in trying to become one! On this level, you can discard the notion of self-esteem entirely and simply refuse to deal with it! This solution to the problem of self-esteem is in the Buddhist tradition because self-esteem is rejected as a useless illusion.

 

Giving up your self-esteem once you have discovered it may sound like a negative notion! It may feel like a loss and seem like something inside you dies. All of us naturally want to feel “special” and “worthwhile.” However, there is a rebirth, because the death of your pride and your ego can lead to new life and to a more profound vision. When you discover that you are nothing, you have nothing to lose, and you inherit the world.

 

This last formulation might sound abstract, mystical, or confusing, but it is immensely practical. Instead of worrying about whether you are sufficiently worthwhile, each day you can have goals that involve learning, personal growth, helping others, being productive, having fun, spending time with people you care about, improving the quality of your relationships, and so on. You will discover unexpected opportunities for intimacy, for productivity, and for joy in daily living.”

 

Is Fear Of Being Judged Running Your Life?

Would you like to start doing what YOU want instead of what others choose for you?

Perfectionists R US

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Prayer For Self-Love – by Don Miguel Ruiz

Prayer For Self-Love – by Don Miguel Ruiz

Prayer For Self-Love – by Don Miguel Ruiz

“Today, Creator of the Universe, we ask that You help us to accept ourselves just the way we are, without judgement. Help us to accept our mind the way it is, with all our emotions, our hopes and dreams, our personality, our unique way of being. Help us to accept our body just the way it is, with all its beauty and perfection. Let the love we have for ourselves be so strong that we never again reject ourselves or sabotage our happiness, freedom and love.

 

From now on, let every action, every reaction, every thought, every emotion be based on love. Help us, Creator, to increase our self-love until the entire dream of our life is transformed, from fear and drama to love and joy.

 

Let the power of our self-love be strong enough to break all the lies we were programmed to believe – all the lies that tell us we are not good enough, or strong enough, or intelligent enough, that we cannot make it. Let the power of our self-love be so strong that we no longer need to live our life according to other people’s opinions. Let us trust ourselves completely to make the choices we must make.

 

With our self-love, we are no longer afraid to face any responsibility in our life or face any problems and resolve them as they arise. Whatever we want to accomplish, let it be done with the power of our self-love.

 

Starting today, help us to love ourselves so much that we never set up any circumstances that go against us. We can live our life being ourselves and not pretending to be someone else just to be accepted by other people. We no longer need other people to accept us or tell us how good we are because we know what we are. With the power of our self-love, let us enjoy what we see every time we look in the mirror. Let there be a big smile on our face that enhances our inner and outer beauty. Help us to feel such intense self-love that we always enjoy our own presence.

 

Let us love ourselves without judgment, because when we judge, we carry blame and guilt, we have the need for punishment and we lose the perspective of Your love. Strengthen our will to forgive ourselves in this moment. Clean our minds of emotional poison and self-judgments so we can live in complete peace and love.

 

Let our self-love be the power that changes the dream of our life. With this new power in our hearts, the power of self-love, let us transform every relationship we have, beginning with the relationship we have with ourselves. Help us to be free of any conflict with others. Let us be happy to share our time with our loved ones and to forgive them for any injustice we feel in our mind. Help us to love ourselves so much that we forgive anyone who has ever hurt us in our life.

 

Give us the courage to love our family and friends unconditionally, and to change our relationships in the most positive and loving way. Help us to create new channels of communication in our relationships so there is no war of control, there is no winner or loser. Together let us work as a team for love, for joy, for harmony.

 

Let our relationships with our family and friends be based on respect and joy so we no longer have the need to tell them how to think or how to be. Let our romantic relationship be the most wonderful relationship; let us feel joy every time we share ourselves with our partner. Help us to accept others just the way they are, without judgement, because when we reject them, we reject ourselves. When we reject ourselves, we reject You.

 

Today is a new beginning. Help us to start our life over beginning today with the power of self-love. Help us to enjoy our life, to enjoy our relationships, to explore life, to take risks, to be alive, and to no longer live in fear of love. Let us open our heart to the love that is our birthright. Help us to become Masters of Gratitude, Generosity, and Love so that we can enjoy all of Your creations forever and ever. Amen.”

 

 

Is Fear Of Being Judged Running Your Life?

Would you like to start doing what YOU want instead of what others choose for you?

Perfectionists R US

If you’re a perfectionist and would like to join a community of  like minded people, you can join my Facebook group.

Share, learn, have fun and just be yourself, un-apologetically.

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