Category: Perfectionism
The Passive Aspect of a Transformation
A transformation is a dramatic change – in form, life circumstances, etc. It’s not just a modest shift that barely affects the big picture, but an extreme, radical change. So it’s not just putting on different earrings, but giving your whole wardrobe a...
The Myth of “I’ll Be Happy When…”
The myth of "I'll be happy when..." has been exposed over and over again. We pretty much agree that conditioning our feeling of happiness on acquiring a better car, job or partner is a sure recipe for wasting precious time in a wishful state. It's like...
To Ask Or Not To Ask?
"I can't ask for help, what if people will say no? They probably think it's not worth the trouble. It's so humiliating; better not to ask!" Did you ever feel like this? It's hard not to take it personally, especially if you had some bad experiences. You might end up...
Expressing Emotions: Trick Or Treat?
Darwin was fascinated by emotions and concluded that their job was basically to warn us quickly when a situation is safe or not. Anger gives us strength, fear teaches us to stay away from danger, and love keeps us bonded to others. But we have a complicated...
The Biggest Lie About Facing Fear
She was my client for many years. Smart, funny, creative and ambitious, she was willing to try new things and I loved working with her, popping issues one by one like soap bubbles. But there was one thing she always mulishly refused to explore because she was too...
Sisyphus Was The Father Of Perfectionists
Success, money, happy relationships - how good it would be if they came easy? The problem is, somehow it's hardwired into our system that we have to work hard for what we want. When I was in school, my mum always made me do extra homework throughout the holidays. It...
How To Stop Worrying Yourself Sick
Are you reading too much into situations or spend too much time trying to make decisions? Are you going over the same things that have already happened or might happen in the future? Do you panic at every physical discomfort and suspect some life-threatening...
Are You Fighting With The Shadows?
Overthinking, like anything else, can be both a blessing and a curse. You do it in a battle, prepare for the worst, you're a good strategist.In day to day life, it's tiresome, and you don't need it all the time. Plus, in relationships, it kills the spontaneity and...
The Harmony of The Whole
Nobody likes to feel they're not good at something. Although we know that we can't excel in all areas, having the proof to the contrary shoved in our face is just as annoying as a pebble in your shoe. It spoils your good mood and ruffles your nice opinions about...
So You Think You Deserve To Be Successful?
We were talking for 15 minutes now about how she should have been fine. She had a solid strategy crafted, she knew what she had to do and she knew how to do it. And yet, she didn't have the success she was "supposed" to get. She felt like the little match girl,...
To Everything There Is A Season…
At the beginning of March, I had a very weird couple of weeks. Try as I might, I could not bring myself to do any significant work other than a few articles. It was as if the storms that swept over the town took my focus, inspiration and motivation with them. I did...
The Right To Appeal
In the previous post, I spoke about the importance of evaluating things in the context and how this can improve our understanding and relationships. However, you might want to extend the courtesy to yourself, when it comes to evaluating your performance, qualities,...
We Are More Alike, My Friends…
"We are more alike, my friends, than we are unalike." - Dr Maya Angelou Traditional Chinese medicine knew for centuries that feelings affect our body. Each organ is influenced by a specific emotion, an excess of which can lead to imbalances and serious...
The Short End Of The Stick
When it comes to perfectionism, it seems women got the short end of the stick.Not only their physiology makes them more prone to it , but they are also more prone to “inherit” a parent’s perfectionism (especially from their mothers). In addition to this, women also...
The Day I Nearly Drowned
The wind had been howling for two days and two nights, raising high walls of foamy water. The sand was assaulting our eyes, skin and nostrils; we were craving the relief of a swim, while slowly turning into burnt chicken nuggets under the blazing sun. But it was too...
Why Do We Always See The Bad Things First?
There are many ways in which your inner critic makes your life miserable.It pinpoints your mistakes and never sees the good parts. It makes you doubt yourself saying: "Who are you to do this?" It belittles you and spoils the pleasure of a hard-earned success by...
The Secret Music From The Stone
Did you know that the Rosslyn Chapel in Scotland holds a musical mystery in its architecture? The connection between music and mathematics is well known. But who would have thought that the carvings on a 600 years old stone chapel represent the coded...
How Do You Support Your Perfectionistic Child?
Does your child spend two hours on homework that should only take 15 minutes, although he is quite smart?Does he procrastinate a lot?Does he get frustrated and give up easily?Does he refuse to try new things because they're afraid of making mistakes? Then your child...
Are Women More Prone To Perfectionism?
For centuries women have been accused of being "too sensitive", "finicky" and missing the big picture for the details. But what if it's no more their fault than it is a computer's functioning in the parameters it was built for? Recent neurological studies showed that...
Out With The Old, In With The New!
Happy New Year! As we're slowly coming back to work, I hope you had a wonderful Christmas with lots of fun. Now let me ask you: how do you feel after this festive season? If we're to believe the movies, the stress of creating the perfect Christmas...
How To Make Good Decisions Without Agonizing
Do you know the economic theory saying that more choice is always better? In reality, from choosing the right energy plan to choosing the next tools to grow your business, from buying presents to buying a new house, having too many options can be...
How Do You Shoot Yourself In The Foot?
When your deepest belief is that you're not good enough, feeling that you're not worthy (of love, success or prosperity) comes naturally. So what do you do?You sabotage yourself - in one or more of those areas: Relationships- you can't say NO or set boundaries- you...
The Unfairness Of “All Or Nothing”
Do you know somebody who constantly reminds you of that one mistake you happened to make?It doesn't matter if your record was impeccable until then, nor that maybe it wasn't your fault. No, they label you and in their eyes, you're stuck in that category for...
It’s Not You!
When you work as hard as a mule and yet bitterly fail, is your first thought "I'm not good enough"?If you're in full-blown perfectionist mode, this might be quite often your go-to explanation. I know how it's like when after painstaking efforts you're at your wits'...
Are Control Freaks The Big Bad Wolf?
They say perfectionists are control freaks. They always need to have the last word, they think they know better and everything must go according to their plans, or else. In a world confused by so many options, knowing what you want does attract attention.Knowing...
Playing For Music’s Sake
A few years ago I lived in Ireland for 18 months. It was a wonderful experience that I hope I'll get to repeat at some point. One of the beautiful people I met there was the seven years old girl of a family running a local restaurant. I remember one day when I was...
Rising Above The Noise
Everybody is giving unsolicited advice these days. From cooking to content marketing, it invades your privacy on all channels. It's in your emails, in all the adds and pop ups of the pages you open - everybody's eager to teach you "how to" anything. It seems you don't...
Honouring Your Rhythms
As an entrepreneur, the saying ‘Festina Lente’ (“Make Haste Slowly”) may seem counter-intuitive, because you’d think the sooner you get things done, put yourself out there on the market, the better it is. After all, time is money and nobody gets any younger. ...
The (Well Disguised) Blessings Of A Burnout
Burnout can damage your health, your career, you personal life.You might give up on your business, sometimes your family might give up on you.Although you might try to hide it, its effects are devastating. And yet, there are (well disguised) blessings to it.1. - It...
Three Questions To Avoid Burnout
When you work very long hours because you love what you're doing it doesn't feel like burnout. Because there is curiosity, playfulness and passion there. Yes, you're exhausted, but you had such a blast your moral is high. The problem occurs when you get no results -...
How Do You Know When Enough Is Enough?
"Burnout is a state of physical and emotional exhaustion, feelings of ineffectiveness and lack of accomplishment. It can occur after long-term stress in your job, or when you work in a physically or emotionally draining role for a long time." Whether you pull the long...
Shining Your Light
When I was a child my mother encouraged me to make a notebook of quotes where I'd write down inspiring passages from the books I read. These days it's easier to find motivational pieces. Videos and pictures, TEDx conferences - with a touch of a button you can find...
Beyond The Hats We Wear
There are many hats we can wear these days: "mother", "lawyer", "Buddhist", "French", "male", and so on. Some we exchange with the circumstances, mostly it's a balancing act. The beauty is that we can add or replace almost all of them these days.But sometimes we get...
That Unique Flavour
How many times were you told that your brother / sister / colleague / friend is better /smarter / more intelligent / more... than you? How many times did you tell yourself the same things? Those things might have been spoken with good intentions by relatives /...
Vanquish The Hag!
Man, she's one ugly hag. Wrinkly face full of warts, harsh voice and cackle, claw-like hands - definitely not your "have-a-cookie-dear" Granny. She's not a Halloween character. If you look carefully, you can recognise her as the leading actor of those dark moments...
Running For Your Dream
When I was younger I used to take part in road running competitions. It wasn't always easy and while the start was lighthearted and full of joy, the end was sometimes downright horrific. Your feet would become heavier by the moment, breath would turn into a...
The time Is NOW!
You have this idea. You know it can solve a real problem, better than the other solutions out there at the moment. That people would benefit immensely from it. But you don't do anything about it, because things aren't perfectly lined up. The conditions aren't perfect...
Waking Up Galatea
Pygmalion was such a talented sculptor that his lifelike creations were the most sought after in the city.His craftsmanship reached perfection when he sculpted Galatea out of ivory. No woman could match its breathtaking beauty. He fell in love with it and lost all...
Are You Waiting For The Cat?
Three days ago, chased by a neighbourhood cat, with neck and head feathers gone entirely, a wood pigeon fledgling arrived in my backyard. I was worried my dog might get her, but my 9 years old Collie was happy to just lazily sleep on the grass.
Forgiveness Where None Is Due
I have a friend who hates learning. When she was a child, she was always scolded and severely punished for things ranging from lack of focus to bad grades. To this day, when it comes to studying her whole being rebels and hates it with a passion. I thought...
The Life Changing Lesson Of A Humble Bug
I hate bugs. I’m not afraid of them, I don’t jump on the table screaming when I see a spider. When I was seven, our house suffered an ants infestation. It was mid-November and they were probably looking for a warm place for the winter. At first I did not mind them,...
Why Don’t Perfectionists Come (Easily) Out Of Their Closet?
My parents highly valued academic achievements and striving to be your best; perfectionism was a quality to be pursued. And while humanity’s aspiration to improve is what made us discover, create and grow, there’s quite a difference between aiming and obsessing. It...
A Solution (Un)fit For a Perfectionist’s Crisis
Let’s say you’re the usual type of perfectionist, working yourself to the bone, pulling insanely long work hours. You’re up to date with the best in your field, you review and polish your work about 100,000 times before you consent to release it in the world (still doubting its value).
Conditional Self-Esteem Vs. Unconditional Self-Esteem
by David Burns, M.D. “There are two dramatically different ways a person can achieve self-esteem. You can say, “I am a worthwhile person because…” After the “because,” you can include the basis you have decided upon for self-esteem. This could be your success and hard...
The Value Of Small Things
We are taught to value BIG. Big achievements. Big houses. spending big.But is BIG always best? I believe in the importance of small things, too. Like the small gestures of tenderness and affection – holding hands, adding a flower to her breakfast, sacrificing a night...
Prayer For Self-Love – by Don Miguel Ruiz
“Today, Creator of the Universe, we ask that You help us to accept ourselves just the way we are, without judgement. Help us to accept our mind the way it is, with all our emotions, our hopes and dreams, our personality, our unique way of being. Help us to accept our...
Declaration Of Self-Esteem
By Virginia Satir "The following was written in answer to a 15-year-old girl’s question, “How can I prepare myself for a fulfilling life?” I am me. In all the world, there is no one else exactly like me. There are people who have some parts like me but no one...
Family Values And Christmas Cleaning
I was brought up in the tradition of Christmas (and Easter) Cleaning. Mind you, not just the ordinary cleaning, it was THE Cleaning. Capital C cleaning! About a week (-or two) before Christmas you would start to turn your house upside down, beating and washing the...
10 Minutes Quiz
Is stress a normal part of your life? Do you work insanely long hours?
This 10 minutes quiz can tell you if you’re heading towards burnout or not.
Perfectionists R US
If you’re a perfectionist and would like to join a community of like minded people, you can join my Facebook group.
Share, learn, have fun and just be yourself, un-apologetically.
Are You Exhausted And Frustrated With All The Hustling?
Would you like to have the joy and fun back into your life and business?
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Work with me
You’ve read books, attended courses and workshops, and listened to inspirational audios. Still, you feel something is missing.
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You can start by signing up for a free discovery session today. We’ll have a 45 mins conversation where you’ll discuss your problem, find a few solutions to fight it and what’s stopping you.
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Join my Facebook Group
Do you want to be seen for who you are?
Would you like to talk with somebody who knows and understands?
Do you want to know how others won the same battle?
You might want to join my group.
It’s a supportive community of like minded people where you can share your experiences and find inspiration.
There you can learn to have a kinder relationship with yourself. How to prevent getting burnout. And more.
It’s a place where you can basically just be yourself, un-apologetically.
Perfectionism can be a blessing and it can be a curse. But it doesn’t have to be lonely.
