The Passive Aspect of a Transformation

The Passive Aspect of a Transformation

The Passive Aspect of a Transformation

 

 

A transformation is a dramatic change – in form, life circumstances, etc. It’s not just a modest shift that barely affects the big picture, but an extreme, radical change.
So it’s not just putting on different earrings, but giving your whole wardrobe a makeover. It’s more than going out with somebody; it’s getting married.
Although this sounds like a very dynamic (Yang) process, we know from the Yin Yang theory that (almost) all things have both Yin and Yang properties.
What could be passive (Yin) in a transformation?
🌸 1.) – Patience
= being able to stay in the unknown and not-yet manifested, without forcing change and without frustration; allowing time for new ideas to show up and for the efforts you’ve already made to bear fruits
🌸 2.) – Receiving
– Being open – to new ideas, to notice opportunities, and to welcome help. Often when we say we’re open, we have that crossed arms, “come on, show me what you’ve got” attitude. That’s not exactly welcoming.
Real openness has a certain lightness and fluidity about it, a blurring of edges, like a drop of purple ink dissolving in a glass of clear water.
– Quick test: think about an area of your life where you say you’re open (money? getting help? new possibilities?), but where you haven’t registered much progress. Now check with your body and see what area is tense. Is it your solar plexus? Your jaws? Your shoulders? Your legs? Did your breathing just become shallow or constricted?
Your body and your mind are deeply connected – when one of them relaxes, the other one follows.
– Letting go of the old – just for now. Again, it’s a relaxed, agreed-upon renunciation, not one with clenched fists and biting lips. Imagine you put all the previous information and feelings in a box and set it aside for a bit. Now, what are you inspired to do that you haven’t tried before? How can you welcome the changes following the actions you already took?
Do the relaxation check – if you’re soft as a jellyfish, you’re on the right track.
🌸 3.) – Nurturing
– Recharging after effort – I was surprised to discover how much stress and adrenal fatigue affected me. What I mistook for lack of creativity was the fogginess of sleep deprivation. It’s incredible how many “I’m not good enough”-s vanish with proper rest and a healthy lifestyle.
– Getting adequate food for the different levels of our being (see What are you hungry for?)
– Learning – Many times, we need to know more before we can leap. The quality of our decisions depends on the quality of the information we have.

Why is it important to know about this whole Yin and Yang business?

 

Because extreme, massive action without regeneration leads to burnout. Continuous giving without replenishing, leads to depletion.
On the other hand, accumulating without using the resources gets you, well… nowhere. That makes the difference between being committed to change and wishful thinking.
Quick test:
– how many books have you got stacked (on shelves or electronically), but to this day, never got to read?
– how many courses or group challenges have you enrolled in the past six months and didn’t even get to consume?
– how many webinars and live videos have you watched without doing anything with the knowledge?
That’s like becoming mentally obese. Information is there, stocked, but you’re not using it.
Transformation, like pretty much everything, is a dance of BOTH the Yin and the Yang. It’s about receiving AND giving, passivity AND activity. It’s never just one.
You act then you take a step back to weigh the results. You push when extra effort is required and then take time to rest. You allow time to get ready and then make big strides towards your objective.
That is, of course, if you’d rather have a transformation without stress and exhaustion. 😉

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When It’s A Good Time For A Fresh Start?

When It’s A Good Time For A Fresh Start?

When It’s A Good Time For A Fresh Start?

 

Life happens to us with ups and downs. Whether we choose to change or are forced to change, change we must.

 

How many times have you seen yourself or other people wanting to make a fresh start?

 

A fresh start is just another name for change – but somehow it sounds better, more empowering. It’s like we could wipe out our past mistakes, wrong decisions or painful experiences, and we can start again as if nothing happened.

 

We also assume that now that we know better, we’ll do better.
(As any New Year resolution can tell you, that’s not always the case.)

 

It’s interesting to notice what we usually associate a fresh start with:

  •  new resources – a new car, house, or more money
  •  a particular time – like New Year
  •  a new location – moving somewhere nobody knows you
  •  a new position – a new job or a change in social status
  •  an addition to your family
  •  other factors

 

If you look closely, tying a fresh start to any of these things seems very familiar.

It’s the cousin of the “I’ll be happy when…” type of conditioning.

 

Although we’re used to think this way, a fresh start isn’t by default linked to anything. Any moment and any place are good enough to be your starting point for a new beginning.

 

So really, why can’t you start NOW?

 

10 Minutes Quiz

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This 10 minutes quiz can tell you if you’re heading towards burnout or not.

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The Threat Of A Million WHY’s

The Threat Of A Million WHY’s

The Threat Of A Million WHY’s

 

 

”Stop throwing food.” – “Why?”
“You can’t go across the street.” – “Why?”
”No, you can’t have knives.” – “Why?”
“Don’t hit your sister.” – “Why?”
 
 
If you had to look after children (yours or others’), you recognise the scenario that has millions of parents pull their hair, sigh to the point of crying and desperately pray for the avalanche of questions to stop.
 
 
Spend one week questioned like a suspect in interrogation, having every move you make and everything you say met with the same ominous WHY, and you’ll get there.
 
 
Fortunately, with time, children discover there are other questions worth asking as well: WHAT, HOW, and WHAT IF.
 
 
Although these four questions help us learn and make sense of the world, gradually, we tend to prioritise one or two of them, and this will determine our preferred style of learning.
 
 
Style 1 – the WHY learners
They want to know why they should care –  why do this now, why it is important, what’s in it for them. They are focused on values and making connections and might not move to take action if they don’t get satisfactory answers.
 
 
Style 2 – the WHAT learners
They are analytic, like information, seeking facts and details, evaluating and formulating ideas. They need step-by-step processes and prefer working with people who come prepared.
 
 
Style 3 – the HOW learners
They want to see the relationships and connections between the new information and the bigger picture. They like learning by doing and tinkering. They are happiest experimenting, building and creating something useful.
 
 
 
Style 4 – the WHAT IF learners
They are continually exploring possibilities, learning by trial and error and self-discovery. They want to know why something it’s done a certain way and want to find better alternatives. They seem to have a hard time staying on topic, but they need to roll the possibilities in their heads to come up with creative solutions.
 
 
Irrespective of how we learn and how much it drives parents mad, curiosity is an incredible asset to preserve from childhood.
 
– it makes learning effortless and more fun because we remember easier what interests us
 
– it creates new options when, instead of blindly accepting what others say it’s possible, we decide to explore other venues
 
– it can get us moving when we feel stuck in frustration and despair.
 
 
So cherish it and encourage it, – in yourself and your children -, because it keeps us growing, creating and pushing beyond boundaries and limitations.
 
 
 
PS: Apparently, the magic lifesaver if you’re tired of answering the million why’s (and don’t want to resort to “Because I said so”), is asking back calmly and playfully:
 
 “You tell me why.”
 
And wait for them to come up with an explanation.

 

10 Minutes Quiz

Is stress a normal part of your life? Do you work insanely long hours?

This 10 minutes quiz can tell you if you’re heading towards burnout or not.

Perfectionists R US

If you’re a perfectionist and would like to join a community of  like minded people, you can join my Facebook group.

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The Myth of “I’ll Be Happy When…”

The Myth of “I’ll Be Happy When…”

The Myth of “I’ll Be Happy When…”

 

 

The myth of “I’ll be happy when…” has been exposed over and over again. We pretty much agree that conditioning our feeling of happiness on acquiring a better car, job or partner is a sure recipe for wasting precious time in a wishful state. It’s like dangling a carrot in front of the horse to keep him running, but never actually allowing the horse to have it.
 
 
And yet, with a different look, it still creeps on us occasionally, and we believe its lies.
 
 
We make up labels and rules about things. This is how our brains work.
 

But this becomes a problem when we let ourselves confined by these labels and rules. That’s when we start to suffer.
 
 
For example, stop for a moment and think: how does a wealthy or successful person look like to you?
 
  • What are their defining characteristics?
  • How old is she/he?
  • What are they wearing?
  • How do they speak?
  • Do you personally know anyone like this or is it a cliche you borrowed?
  • Can you remember when and how you reached this perception?
 
Now ask yourself: if you’re not already there, what’s stopping you?
 
What do you think needs to be different about yourself to be rich or successful? Your hair / clothes / weight / accent / car / house / age?
 
What would make you worthy?
 
 
See how we’re back to the same myth?
We’re operating with illusions.
 
 
Even when there is a real person behind those representations, that’s still, just ONE PERSON. And one swallow does not a summer make.
 
 
The good news is, we make our own reality.
The bad news is, we’re rarely aware of HOW we’re doing it.
 
 
So take a good look again at what you want to have or be. Now, what’s really stopping you?

 

 

10 Minutes Quiz

Is stress a normal part of your life? Do you work insanely long hours?

This 10 minutes quiz can tell you if you’re heading towards burnout or not.

Perfectionists R US

If you’re a perfectionist and would like to join a community of  like minded people, you can join my Facebook group.

Share, learn, have fun and just be yourself, un-apologetically.

Are You Exhausted And Frustrated With All The Hustling?

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Is your self-esteem strong, or does it need a boost?

→  Do you constantly compare yourself with others and focus mainly on your shortcomings?

→  Can you handle criticism and rejection objectively, or does any negative comment shatter your self-view? 

→  Do you believe in yourself and in your abilities?

Do you want more? I can help you directly:

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Perfectionism can be a blessing and it can be a curse. But it doesn’t have to be lonely.

To Ask Or Not To Ask?

To Ask Or Not To Ask?

To Ask Or Not To Ask?

“I can’t ask for help, what if people will say no? They probably think it’s not worth the trouble. It’s so humiliating; better not to ask!”

 
Did you ever feel like this?
 
 
It’s hard not to take it personally, especially if you had some bad experiences. You might end up believing people refuse to help you because you don’t deserve it.
 
 
But what if the thing you ask for help with isn’t a good /healthy idea for you or those involved? They may choose to reject you because they honestly believe it’s in your best interest to do it. Or maybe it’s in their best interest. Maybe they are trying to protect their family.
 
 
Maybe you asked the wrong people?
 
👉 What if they don’t have the means or the skills to help you? What if, much as they’d like to, they are pretty useless for the job? Admitting it though isn’t always easy, so you may never know this is the real reason.
 
👉 What if they honestly don’t have the time to help you, because they’re swamped in chores themselves?
 
👉 What if they refuse you because they don’t like your face, age, gender, skin colour, weight, accent or shoes. Yes, these reasons are ridiculous and petty, but people are like this sometimes. However, you can’t feel ashamed unless you believe they are right and you SHOULD feel shame.
 
 
In this case, are you willing to let their labels define who you are and what you can do?
 
 
If you think you have no say, then you’ll have to comply with the role you were cast in. You will have to play by the book.
 
 
Or you can toss the book away, decide to write your own.
And find the right people to help you turn your vision into reality.
 
 
What would you rather do?
 
 

10 Minutes Quiz

Is stress a normal part of your life? Do you work insanely long hours?

This 10 minutes quiz can tell you if you’re heading towards burnout or not.

Perfectionists R US

If you’re a perfectionist and would like to join a community of  like minded people, you can join my Facebook group.

Share, learn, have fun and just be yourself, un-apologetically.

Are You Exhausted And Frustrated With All The Hustling?

Would you like to have the joy and fun back into your life and business?

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