To Ask Or Not To Ask?

To Ask Or Not To Ask?

To Ask Or Not To Ask?

“I can’t ask for help, what if people will say no? They probably think it’s not worth the trouble. It’s so humiliating; better not to ask!”

 
Did you ever feel like this?
 
 
It’s hard not to take it personally, especially if you had some bad experiences. You might end up believing people refuse to help you because you don’t deserve it.
 
 
But what if the thing you ask for help with isn’t a good /healthy idea for you or those involved? They may choose to reject you because they honestly believe it’s in your best interest to do it. Or maybe it’s in their best interest. Maybe they are trying to protect their family.
 
 
Maybe you asked the wrong people?
 
👉 What if they don’t have the means or the skills to help you? What if, much as they’d like to, they are pretty useless for the job? Admitting it though isn’t always easy, so you may never know this is the real reason.
 
👉 What if they honestly don’t have the time to help you, because they’re swamped in chores themselves?
 
👉 What if they refuse you because they don’t like your face, age, gender, skin colour, weight, accent or shoes. Yes, these reasons are ridiculous and petty, but people are like this sometimes. However, you can’t feel ashamed unless you believe they are right and you SHOULD feel shame.
 
 
In this case, are you willing to let their labels define who you are and what you can do?
 
 
If you think you have no say, then you’ll have to comply with the role you were cast in. You will have to play by the book.
 
 
Or you can toss the book away, decide to write your own.
And find the right people to help you turn your vision into reality.
 
 
What would you rather do?
 
 

10 Minutes Quiz

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This 10 minutes quiz can tell you if you’re heading towards burnout or not.

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Expressing Emotions: Trick Or Treat?

Expressing Emotions: Trick Or Treat?

Expressing Emotions: Trick Or Treat?

 

 

Darwin was fascinated by emotions and concluded that their job was basically to warn us quickly when a situation is safe or not. Anger gives us strength, fear teaches us to stay away from danger, and love keeps us bonded to others.

 

But we have a complicated relationship with our emotions.
We brand some as good and others as bad. As a consequence, we might suppress and ignore the ones we don’t want or don’t deem ‘appropriate’, and chase the ones we do.

 

No wonder that when it comes to expressing what we really feel we apply pretty much the same rules of engagement.

 

Why?

 

Because, while not always true, a lot of times expressing emotions seems like a bad idea, dangerous even.

 

To our minds, it appears that being ourselves and letting others see us for who we are can lead to overwhelmingly unpleasant consequences and losses. This may or may not be the case, but for a perfectionist, this assumption usually goes unchallenged.

 

Then there are the cultural and societal rules about what is or isn’t acceptable to express – in general, and according to gender. For example, anger and aggression are seen as masculine whereas emotions such as hurt, fear and sadness are considered feminine and weak.

 

Hence, men are more likely (and encouraged) to express the former than the latter, while women are judged and often disapproved for doing the same thing.

 

So it may seem that we’re trapped. That we don’t have much choice in the matter.

 

But it’s not true.

 

The brain can be trained to learn new behaviours.
Societal and personal rules can be challenged.

 

Recognising made-up constructs gives us a different understanding and new possibilities.

 

And once we notice how our thoughts influence and trigger our emotions, we realise we have the tool to start making the changes we want.

 

10 Minutes Quiz

Is stress a normal part of your life? Do you work insanely long hours?

This 10 minutes quiz can tell you if you’re heading towards burnout or not.

Perfectionists R US

If you’re a perfectionist and would like to join a community of  like minded people, you can join my Facebook group.

Share, learn, have fun and just be yourself, un-apologetically.

Are You Exhausted And Frustrated With All The Hustling?

Would you like to have the joy and fun back into your life and business?

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The Biggest Lie About Facing Fear

The Biggest Lie About Facing Fear

The Biggest Lie About Facing Fear

 

 

She was my client for many years. Smart, funny, creative and ambitious, she was willing to try new things and I loved working with her, popping issues one by one like soap bubbles. 

 

But there was one thing she always mulishly refused to explore because she was too afraid. 

 

Last year that problem came back with a vengeance. And to top it up, now she was a mother. She was overwhelmed by the multitude of things to do and the pressure to do them all well. Sleep deprived and scared by the perspective that she isn’t a good enough parent, she would punish herself with self-hurting behaviour.

 

She couldn’t stand the idea that by not solving her issues her little girl will be affected.

 

So she had to bite the bullet.

 

It was an extraordinary journey, and we had to advance little by little. But each step conquered one more piece of that uncharted territory.

 

It wasn’t all rainbow and unicorns. There were also ghastly moments of tremendous pain gushing out from her childhood; she could have lost her resolve. But she held steady.

 

A lot of people shy away from facing their fear because first, to be honest, it’s not exactly attractive. People might like watching horror movies, but living them is a different ballgame.

 

Then they think it takes a lot of courage to do it – and they don’t see themselves as the heroic type.

 

The truth is, you don’t need courage to do it.

 

  • Curiosity can do the trick when the need to know “what happens if…?” is stronger than your fear.
  • Then there is plain old stubbornness – you’re scared, but you’re more determined not to let anything go against your will.
  • Also, when there is something more important for you – like protecting your child -, fear seems like a small price to pay. 

 

The craziest part?

What we think we can or cannot do has nothing to do with what we ACTUALLY CAN do.

 

Facing your fears is not appealing. It’s not sexy. 

But it’s liberating.

 

With each layer of fear you peel off, you reveal a new level of strength. A new world of possibilities, creativity and freedom.

 

Do you think it’s worth a try?

 

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Want to know 4 ways to deal with your fear?

Read it as part of the weekly challenge I run in my Facebook group. This and other cool stuff to help you bring to light, shake the dust off your current ideas and lure you into experimenting with something new, that’ll give you more freedom.

 

10 Minutes Quiz

Is stress a normal part of your life? Do you work insanely long hours?

This 10 minutes quiz can tell you if you’re heading towards burnout or not.

Perfectionists R US

If you’re a perfectionist and would like to join a community of  like minded people, you can join my Facebook group.

Share, learn, have fun and just be yourself, un-apologetically.

Are You Exhausted And Frustrated With All The Hustling?

Would you like to have the joy and fun back into your life and business?

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