Who Cares For The Carer?

Who Cares For The Carer?

Who Cares For The Carer?

 

I lost my mum to MS seven years after my dad died of a heart attack. Her condition started to deteriorate from first being unable to walk to not being able to raise her hand. In the end, she couldn’t even say her name.

 

It was the hardest time of my life. I had no brothers or sisters and for most of those years, no boyfriend to help me through. We had to sell the house and move into an apartment. Twenty-eight months into this, I lost my job due to restructuring. I started to work the nights, translating books while caring for mum during the days. I was also teaching Ayurveda pro bono two days a week, as healing was something I was very passionate about.

 

 

It was heartbreaking to see a loving, active mum and brilliant engineer turn into a babbling vegetable. It was gut-wrenching not to be able to stop this. I fought tooth and nail, I taught her yoga exercises and gave her natural remedies (since the usual medication couldn’t do much).

 

For a while, things would improve. But it wasn’t a complete recovery, just delaying the inevitable. Soon she would have another stroke and her condition would worsen again.

 

Then one day a friend – and at the time, student – of mine came to tell me the space for our classes was no longer available because somebody offered more money for it. We didn’t have a contract, just a verbal agreement, so there was nothing I could do about it.

 

But I had a crash. Right there, in my friend’s arms, I cried my pain and frustrations out, screaming that I wanted no more of this mess. The emotional tension was so high that after sogging her t-shirt, I even dozed off for a minute on her shoulder.

 

She told me then something that I never forgot. She said that I was the heart of all this and if I didn’t make time to take care of myself, everything would go tumbling down, and there would be nobody left to help mum or the others.

 

You may not be in the same situation. But you might have a family and a business to look after.

 

While working hard to put bread on a table, you also work hard to keep everybody happy. You put yourself last. Your needs are stuffed in a dusty corner, and if they sometimes come out demanding their rights, you send them away, feeling guilty even for having them.

 

This is only going to work for so long.

 

So I’m going to tell you what my friend told me: You are the heart in this.

Despite what you might think, taking care of yourself isn’t a luxury or a selfish act, it’s common sense. Make time for it, before it’s too late.

 

Because when the heart stops, everything stops.

 

Is Fear Of Being Judged Running Your Life?

Would you like to start doing what YOU want instead of what others choose for you?

Perfectionists R US

If you’re a perfectionist and would like to join a community of  like minded people, you can join my Facebook group.

Share, learn, have fun and just be yourself, un-apologetically.

Categories

The Most Dangerous Enemy In The World

The Most Dangerous Enemy In The World

The Most Dangerous Enemy In The World

 

 

When you pursue your goals you get to know yourself better.

It’s not just the type of things you aim to accomplish that says a lot about yourself, but also the means that you use and the things you say to yourself when you don’t.

 

Reaching a goal can demand sweat, tears and raw honesty to see some uncomfortable things in yourself.

 

Sometimes you see fears – that you’re not good enough, that you’ll never succeed, that you’re going to let down someone you love or respect. Fear of being rejected, fear of not living up to your/others’ expectations, fear of losing what matters – and more.

 

Sometimes those fears are being confirmed.

I had many dismal moments when I realised I wasn’t even by far as skilful or as smart as I imagined myself to be. That I was impulsive and acted recklessly, hurting people’s feelings. (What is worse, I’d done it with the best intentions in the world, which of course didn’t make for the poorly chosen way of showing it.)

 

And sometimes the losses I dreaded became a fact.

 

However, you can fight those, once you saw them out there in the open.

But the most dangerous enemy in the world is the one you do not recognize. The one that you got so used to seeing that it seems harmless or insignificant.

 

And some of your beliefs about yourself fall in this category.

 

I’m not talking about those habits you can beat with a little bit of discipline and will.

I’m talking about those convictions that run in the background, grey eminences dictating your life as they want, not as you’d like. You need a lot of patience (and sometimes years) to uncover and transform those, layer after layer, like peeling an onion.

 

They are responsible for you not having the prosperity – or success or love or a big fancy house or whatever – you say out loud that you want. They are the hidden saboteurs that undermine your determination and make you quit those beautiful resolutions.

 

C. S. Lewis said: ‘The most dangerous ideas are not the ones being argued, but the ones that are assumed’.

 

So stop for a moment and think:

  • What are you assuming about yourself without question?
  • What can’t you do, have or be? Why?
  • What are you so used to thinking and saying about yourself that justifies (or maybe even causes?) the lack of action and success?

 

Take a good look at the goals you abandoned – you can start getting your answers there.

 

Discovering and transforming hidden beliefs is not easy because well, they are so close to us. It also takes a bit of experience. If you’d like to tackle this issue, contact me for a discovery session. 

Also, you can join my Facebook group and practice keeping those perfectionist bits in line while being part of a lovely community of like-minded warriors 🙂 

Perfectionists R Us

10 Minutes Quiz

Is stress a normal part of your life? Do you work insanely long hours?

This 10 minutes quiz can tell you if you’re heading towards burnout or not.

Perfectionists R US

If you’re a perfectionist and would like to join a community of  like minded people, you can join my Facebook group.

Share, learn, have fun and just be yourself, un-apologetically.

Are You Exhausted And Frustrated With All The Hustling?

Would you like to have the joy and fun back into your life and business?

Categories

Are Women More Prone To Perfectionism?

Are Women More Prone To Perfectionism?

Are Women More Prone To Perfectionism?

For centuries women have been accused of being “too sensitive”, “finicky” and missing the big picture for the details. But what if it’s no more their fault than it is a computer’s functioning in the parameters it was built for?

Recent neurological studies showed that the area responsible for recognising the errors and flaws is much larger in the female brain than it is in the males’.

 

That’s why a woman can pick up a tiny spot in an otherwise exquisite appearance. It’s also why women are more self-conscious and perfectionist than men. (Besides the fact that often women are expected to perform more poorly than men in the workplace, so they need to prove their worth more than men.)

 

 

When humans are under stress, the brain commands the release of cortisol. Female brains can decrease the production of cortisol by organising things and obsessing about details.

 

(Women also have a better memory for details too, so they never forget a fight or a romantic encounter — and won’t let you either.)

 

On the plus side: women get to handle the pressure in ways that are less destructive towards others than men.

 

On the minus side, they can arrange their closet for the umpteenth time or waste a lot of time tinkering on minutiae and reach burnout easier.

 

And no, they are not crazy or stupid. They do it because it gives them a feeling of being in control and it helps them reduce the stress.

 

Think how useful this behaviour is if you have a huge cabinet of files and bills that need sorting out!

There are many differences between the male and female brains. Some make things easier, and some make things harder.

 

But the good news is, unlike computers if we know where to look and how to do it, we can change our “software” ourselves.

Understanding the differences and stopping the blame are the first steps.

And if we’re smart enough, we can leverage and put those differences to good use.

 

10 Minutes Quiz

Is stress a normal part of your life? Do you work insanely long hours?

This 10 minutes quiz can tell you if you’re heading towards burnout or not.

Perfectionists R US

If you’re a perfectionist and would like to join a community of  like minded people, you can join my Facebook group.

Share, learn, have fun and just be yourself, un-apologetically.

Are You Exhausted And Frustrated With All The Hustling?

Would you like to have the joy and fun back into your life and business?

Categories

When Your Goals Get Inconvenient

When Your Goals Get Inconvenient

When Your Goals Get Inconvenient

 

This weekend I watched “The Good Girls Revolt” TV series. Based on real events, it tells the story of forty-six Newsweek women who sued the magazine for discrimination.

 

Why?

 

Because working for the “Newsweek” as a woman in 1969 was a dead end. Women were relegated to low-level positions and even when they were more talented and better educated than their male counterparts (the reporters), they were paid three times less. They were never given credit, even though their writing was often incorporated into the reporters’ stories. Advancing was denied and aspiring female journalists were told: “If you want to be a writer, go somewhere else.”

 

Their decision to sue was not an easy one – not all those women were coming from privilege, some had a family to support and their action could have lost their jobs. Besides, women had never dared to fight for their rights before.

 

That was the first female class action lawsuit. It took courage and determination to do it, but it inspired other women in the media to quickly follow suit. One step started a whole movement.

 

So when you’re setting your goals ask yourself

  • How badly do you want to reach them?
  • How far are you willing to go?
  • What are you willing to sacrifice to achieve them?
  • Who else will your goal impact?

 

At the end of the day, goals that don’t make you burn brighter are getting dumped the minute things get inconvenient.

 

10 Minutes Quiz

Is stress a normal part of your life? Do you work insanely long hours?

This 10 minutes quiz can tell you if you’re heading towards burnout or not.

Perfectionists R US

If you’re a perfectionist and would like to join a community of  like minded people, you can join my Facebook group.

Share, learn, have fun and just be yourself, un-apologetically.

Are You Exhausted And Frustrated With All The Hustling?

Would you like to have the joy and fun back into your life and business?

Categories

Out With The Old, In With The New!

Out With The Old, In With The New!

Out With The Old, In With The New!

Happy New Year!

 

As we’re slowly coming back to work, I hope you had a wonderful Christmas with lots of fun.

 

Now let me ask you: how do you feel after this festive season?

 

If we’re to believe the movies, the stress of creating the perfect Christmas can make the rest of the year look like a junior league game against the UEFA Champions.

 

From the rush to find the right presents, to cooking and organizing everything, it’s a fight with time and the elements.

 

Not only do we want to make everything magical for our children, but there is also the pressure of having our parents and/or our in-laws coming over. Lots of expectations to meet, people to please and spirits to appease.

 

We don’t always win at this game – and if we do, sometimes the price we pay in stretched nerves and exhaustion makes it look almost as bad as a defeat.

 

But thank God it’s over, now you can catch your breath and start the year afresh!

 

How would you like it to be?

What do you want to do?

And more importantly: how would you like to feel while doing it?

 

If you want 2019 to be a year of thriving instead of hustling, if you want joy and fun into your life and business instead of burnout, then I invite you to my new coaching program designed just for that.

 

And since it’s the beginning of the year, I have a little surprise for the first eight people enrolling. I’ll see you on the other side!

 

 

If you want to  practice vanquishing those perfectionist little monsters in your back yard, while being part of a lovely community of like-minded warriors, join my Facebook group.

Also, if  you’d like to end your self-sabotaging behaviour, let’s have a chat. 

Is Fear Of Being Judged Running Your Life?

Would you like to start doing what YOU want instead of what others choose for you?

Perfectionists R US

If you’re a perfectionist and would like to join a community of  like minded people, you can join my Facebook group.

Share, learn, have fun and just be yourself, un-apologetically.

Categories

Enjoy this blog? Please spread the word :)

RSS
LinkedIn
Share