The Joy Sucking Vampires You Need To Avoid

The Joy Sucking Vampires You Need To Avoid

The Joy Sucking Vampires You Need To Avoid

Are you on the verge of significant changes in your life? Are you starting a project, maybe something that you have never done before? Are you transitioning from doing a job that feels kind of “blah” to something that really inspires you?

 

As Frank Herbert said, “A beginning is a very delicate time.”

 

Whether you like to prepare in advance or just play as you go, there will be moments when things will hit a bump, and your beautiful dream may not look like a good idea anymore. Things will seem a lot harder than you thought and you will wonder if you’ll ever succeed to achieve your goal.

 

It is precisely in those moments that you need to avoid being around or sharing your fears with certain types of people that make you doubt yourself, undermine your self-confidence and give up your project.

 

Enter the”joy sucking vampires”.

 

1. The Worrier.

At one time or another, we all worry. I guess we do it because we somehow have the impression that this is helpful. And sometimes it can be a signal from our subconscious that we have forgotten something or that we need to have a plan B. We usually get over it by taking action and then adjusting on the go.

 

But the Worrier is deserving his/her name because that’s what they do every single waking moment. Everything gives them reasons to be stressed, and new things are especially potentially dangerous to them.

 

If you share with them your plans, they worry about you.

Problem is, even if their intentions might be good, they are very tiresome. You need to come up with extra (- and often times not needed) plans, and little by little they instil fear and doubt in you.

That’s not what you need when you already have doubts yourself.

 

2. The Complainer (Critic)

 

Whether it’s about services, products or other people, the complainers can never find anything good enough. They will spot the invisible specks of dust, the tiniest mistakes and they’ll let you know it, loud and clear.

 

There are moments when this can be useful for achieving high standards of performance, and for asserting yourself in certain circumstances.

 

However, their inability to enjoy anything is killing all the joy and happiness. If there’s something that you did wrong, they will enjoy dissecting it and presenting it from all angles. If there’s something that might go wrong, they will find it and shove it in your face, together with sharp appreciations of your skills, talents and intelligence.

 

You need quite a tough skin to face them, otherwise, before long you’ll end up depressed and abandoning all your (stupid?) projects.

 

 

3. The Cynic

 

Oscar Wilde defined the cynic as the man who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.

 

The cynic will shear in small pieces all your plans and aspirations with their sarcastic remarks. If you share with them your vision, they will manage to diminish its value and reduce your dreams to shrivelled bits.

 

Although sometimes not as aggressive as the critics/complainers, they are just as destructive, so stay away from them, especially in your weaker moments.

 

In addition to these, there is one more joy sucking vampire that you need to avoid, especially if you experience a more vulnerable moment, and this is:

 

The constantly angry man/woman.

 

I would have put them in a category of their own, but their behaviour usually pairs up with one – or more – of the above. In other words, you’ll see angry worriers, angry critics, angry cynics. To these people, anger has become the default way to deliver their message and to handle situations.

 

This flavour of vampires is hugely destructive because of its highly damaging impact. Their presence is scorching like the blazing sun and is emotionally draining, hurtful and diminishing.

 

They are unable to communicate reasonably and everything irritates them. To them, who’s disagreeing with them is stupid, because they alone know better.

 

They lack the patience to explain their opinions in a normal tone, and they usually lash out at their family or subordinates.

 

We can all experience anger every now and then.

The difference is that, from the dawn of the day till they go to bed, they are yelling, and are continuously being aggressive.

 

Avoid them as much as possible, even more so when you are in a delicate moment; otherwise, you and your dreams will end up flattened to the ground.

 

So let me recap – everybody is worrying, complaining, being angry at times.

If you’re not sure if you’re dealing with somebody who has a bad day or one of those vampires, there are three aspects to consider:

1. – how often do they exhibit the toxic behaviour?

2. – how long does it last?

3. – how intense is it? (Ex: there is a difference between somebody politely complaining there is only one set of towels in their hotel room and someone demanding to see the manager for the same issue, slamming fists in the wood and waking up with their shouts the first 6 floors of the building. You get the idea.)

 

So, if you reached a moment when you have doubts about which way to go or if you should keep on going at all, first remember that this is only natural.

 

If you’re afraid of the future, this is also natural when you’re trying something new.

 

Ask for an expert opinion, find somebody who can aptly and positively offer help and guidance. Find an encouraging friend who is not afraid to tell you the truth, but who can also remind you all your abilities and strengths.

 

If you can find a mastermind group, even better – you can support each other and benefit from what you learn together.

 

Just avoid sharing your problems with the vampires mentioned above, because not only you will not get the support you’re hoping for, but your dreams will be smashed to pieces.

 

 

Is Fear Of Being Judged Running Your Life?

Would you like to start doing what YOU want instead of what others choose for you?

Perfectionists R US

If you’re a perfectionist and would like to join a community of  like minded people, you can join my Facebook group.

Share, learn, have fun and just be yourself, un-apologetically.

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The Life Changing Lesson Of A Humble Bug

The Life Changing Lesson Of A Humble Bug

The Life Changing Lesson Of A Humble Bug

I hate bugs. I’m not afraid of them, I don’t jump on the table screaming when I see a spider.  

When I was seven, our house suffered an ants infestation. It was mid-November and they were probably looking for a warm place for the winter. At first I did not mind them, they were almost invisible  and we could peacefully coexist.

As weeks went by, they started occupying more and more of the territory. By the time I complained to my parents, the carpet was looking like a moving mirage, and it was not unusual to wake up in the middle of the night because of the ant bites.  

 

So I don’t like bugs, I don’t like them touching me or my food.  

 

Last week I talked to my friend Liz. She was tired and frustrated because, after two days of research for a paper, she still felt like her work was not useful enough and just tossed it all away with a click of the ominous Delete button. Six hours of selecting and typing content  – boom! Gone in a second!  

 

The next day, my neighbour Brie invited me over to have a chat and served me a yummy lemon, cherries & cream cake. I complimented her on the masterfully looking and deliciously tasting cake, but she waved away my compliments. She told me  the first one ended up in the bin because  it wasn’t really “fluffy” and “the yellow was not yellow enough”.  

 

And then I heard about my god-son failing his exam because he didn’t sleep at all two nights prior to the big day. Instead of resting, he revised all the stuff again and solved very sophisticated extracurricular exercises, to make sure he was really well prepared.

 

All these people were working hard as hell, way beyond the required amount needed to accomplish their goals.

Why?  

 

Because deep down they felt that nothing was good enough. That they could not afford to make mistakes: once their flaws exposed, nobody would accept, respect or like them anymore.  

 

Because they were the first not to accept, respect and like themselves.   I was thinking about these three people this morning when I found a bug in my sink, because, see, the creature landed there was the only type of bug I actually liked and found funny. It was a brownish forest shield bug, carried through the window by the last nights’ strong wind.

 

Why did I like the forest shield bug?

Well, as the name says it, their body is the shape of the shield, they are flat and they do not bite. 

When he jumped on my finger, he was neither slimy, nor crawling or  ticklishly jumpy, and that’s why  the sensation was bearable. I observed him for a few minutes, then I shook him off in the grass outside.

 

 And I wondered: if I, with my history of bugs hating, was able to find one to not only tolerate but even accept and like, then surely there must be something that a perfectionist can discover acceptable about themselves. You know, just one quality or skill.  

 

We all have days when we doubt ourselves. In those days, we seem to forget everything we’ve ever accomplished, and we count only the failures. When we look in the mirror, we see a bundle of flaws with not one good quality in sight.  

Still, there are.  

 

All you need to do to start coming back from the dark zone is to find one single thing about yourself that is acceptable. Tolerable. Even OK, maybe.  

 

This will disprove the theory that you are a TOTAL loser. And if you can find another thing or two, you might see that you’re actually not completely bad. Someone you might even agree to befriend.  

One single thing.  

So what’s your shield bug?

 

Is Fear Of Being Judged Running Your Life?

Would you like to start doing what YOU want instead of what others choose for you?

Perfectionists R US

If you’re a perfectionist and would like to join a community of  like minded people, you can join my Facebook group.

 Share, learn, have fun and just be yourself, un-apologetically.

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